he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there was a trapeze. enough said
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
