Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will be naked everywhere
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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