So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
