No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
