dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He is an equal opportunity slut.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
