She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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