My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
