hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Less talking, more tequila
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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