Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
