i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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