I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
