Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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