I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
