my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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