we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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