i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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