sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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