Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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