How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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