my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
