she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
