apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
