You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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