would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
