how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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