She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize