It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
