dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
