Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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