so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
