THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i barfeds in our rink
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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