You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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