I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
