i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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