Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
