I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
