U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need to stop coming to work sober
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
