Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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