Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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