Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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