Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
