Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
