Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
