This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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