if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
