you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
