have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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