And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
