I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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