I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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