You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
