a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
