my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
