As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize