my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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