No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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