Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
