sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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