I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
