you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
