Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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