**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
