I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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