Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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