I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize