I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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